Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles review – pointless return of crime-fighting reptiles

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: ‘makes its dreary predecessor seem thrillingly offbeat’. Photograph: /Paramount/Everett /Rex Back in 1990, Steve Barron’s lumpen big-screen TMNT became an indie smash hit that famously rattled the cages of the BBFC, which had a long-standing aversion to martial arts weaponry – even when wielded by men dressed as giant turtles. This noisy, perfunctory reboot replaces rubber suits with CGI, but somehow manages to make its dreary predecessor seem thrillingly offbeat. The story (which had ironic charm in its original comic-strip format) is as before – mutated reptiles living in the sewers beneath New York, talking stoner teen-speak, eating pizza and dishing out...